Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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