so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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