I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
