Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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