I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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