Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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