As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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