thus making me awesome and them whores
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
