Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
