how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
