If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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