Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
