i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
