i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
50% drunk capacity currently
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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