He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
