I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
