I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bring me that man meat
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
