If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
