The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My feet surprised me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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