I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
