Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
