she was so not down for the gang bang
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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