I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
