I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
