I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize