last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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