The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
