I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh god the rape fog is back!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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