Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
