He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
