Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
