she was so not down for the gang bang
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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