remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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