make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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