I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
