I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am naked and annoyed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
