He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
