HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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