Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
