I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
