His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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