I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
