You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
