Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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