Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
