if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
