dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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