help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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