come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think my mom watched the whole time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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