C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
