this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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