omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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