you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
