you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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