I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
