We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
