Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
