I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
