Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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