Who did Billy Mays play for?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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