break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
