Please, let me fuck your mom
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
