I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
