This is not my ceiling
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize