i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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