my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
