2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
